party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
