BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
