Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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