I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
