Can Purell be used as lube?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
