Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
