...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
