I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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