i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
not ubering you a puppy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
