Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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