my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
