wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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