I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
