You just made me feel so damn special
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
