32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
sex in a hospital.. check
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
