a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
