She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
