Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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