I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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