bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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