Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
