im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
