There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
