just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
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please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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