so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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