Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
