how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
