i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize