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I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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