Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
