And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
