I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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