I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
