i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
