I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
