last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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