I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
