One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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