i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
