my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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