We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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