What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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