I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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