I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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