So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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