I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize