maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
