I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
