Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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