Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
