Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
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I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
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Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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