I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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