bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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