i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
