It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
