it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
