He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
