New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
