My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
