My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
