thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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