He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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