I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
