You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
