New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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