So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
