Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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