my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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